No point being a good poster if we're short on good readers, that Portal 2 thread apparently contains all sorts of things I said without typing. ... said without typing... hmm... Maybe I'm really that good at posting I don't even need to use words any more. I have transcended forums, linguistic communication, your simplistic interpretations of reality have no consequence in my new form.

Oh wait... it stopped. Mortal again. Stickybellyflapcock. Well it was pleasant while it lasted.

Yahtzee promised a portal 2 ZP next week. Going to be good watching him crush thousands of fanbois.

How was it he described Portal 1?

"Lastly, there's Portal, and if you're a regular viewer you'll understand how insane these words feel coming out of my mouth, but I can't think of any criticism for it. I'm serious, this is the most fun you'll have with your PC until they invent a force-feedback codpiece. I went in expecting a slew of interesting portal-based puzzles and that's exactly what I got. What I wasn't expecting was some of the funniest pitch black humor I've ever heard in a game. OK, it's only two to three hours long, but that's a good length for it, it means that it doesn't outstay it's welcome, and it narrows the gap between you and the balls-tightening fantastic ending. Absolutely sublime from start to finish and I will jam forks into my eyes if I ever use those words to describe anything else ever again.

Yeah, I know it's not very funny if I love a game, but fuck you. Portal's great and if you don't think so you must be stupid."


So he's perfectly capable of bigging up a game. But the fanboiz know he can't big up Portal 2 because it's a terrible shadow of it's former self. Since they can't vent it out at Ben Croshaw, they vent it out at me. Bitches don't know about my massive broad smackproof shoulders.

who?

That will take some explaining.

Hands up who remembers a time when computer magazines used to give honest reviews about games?
"I do!"

Hands stay up if you remember when they stopped giving out bad reviews because they noticed that bad reviews lead directly to bad advertising revenues.
"I remember!"

Hands stay up if you stopped reading reviews because you know full well they're a full of shit statement designed specifically to keep the producer of the game sweet enough to keep paying the wages through advertising.
"Praise the lord!"

Ok you can put your hands down.

But put them back up if you understand that people like to bitch and moan and that there is no such thing as bad press and that the negativity market dollar exists as a proven concept and that you can give out negative reviews for a positive effect.
"WOAH MOMMA!"

And hence Zero Punctuation was born, an internet rodeo star of nearly moderate fame, going by the name "Yahtzee" he slates games and tells you what is shit about them so you don't go in blindly expecting everything to be rosey when you buy a game.

How does this affect your Internet Fu?

Level 1 : "dat guy dunt lik much, sux 2 b him, retarded gay fag lol"
Level 2 : "He's just being ironic all the time, getting bored now tbh"
Level 3 : "Hey, he tells it like it is and sticks it to the man!"
Level 4 : "His journalistic integrity remains unimpeachable, and it's a breath of fresh air in this cynical world"
Level 5 : "Hey, he is the man and he's telling you what he wants you to hear so he can make money"

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation

With the headline

In-Game Attack Costs EVE Player $1200
Spoiler alert: If you have a ship worth 30 billion ISK in EVE Online, you're going to be a mighty tempting target for other players.

I was expecting it to be be Morel
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/vi ... layer-1200

most reviews are reasonable, HOWEVER final scoring is usually a factor of marketing. just read reviews and make your own mind up?

QFT

All of reviews are a part of marketing, read any Nintendo Magazine and how they score and review <Mario's Latest Sport Game>.

goes for individual reviewers too. if you give someone a bad score you dont get to come to blizzards parties and drink free beer and they wont pay for adds on your website and you wont get early press access next time perhaps. so they might have a review that says "game is pretty ok" and if its Bethestas latest game it gets a 89/100 score but if its <insert unknown developer here> you get 68/100. as long as you never read the scoring its fine.